


By my side

by AprilSalomeJones



Series: Destiel [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel/Dean Winchester Poetry, Community: poetry_fiction, Destiel Becoming Canon On 5 November 2020 (Supernatural), Destiel December 2020 (Supernatural), M/M, Supernatural Poetry Challenge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:14:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27895897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AprilSalomeJones/pseuds/AprilSalomeJones
Summary: Let me drown in your ocean tide,Let me burn in your graceful light,Let me fall in your highest flight,And tell me everything’s alright,Say in the end you’ll be by my side,Look at me just one last time,And let us pretend all will be fine.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Destiel [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/844392
Kudos: 7





	1. By my side

**By my side  
  
**

Drown me in your ocean tide,  
Burn me in your graceful light,  
Drag me in your falling fight,  
Rate me in your darkest right,  
No matter, just stay by my side.  
Don’t look at me all the time  
Or I can‘t pretend all is fine,  
Pretend you don’t made me whole.  
Do you recognize my whacked soul?  
  
In your touch I thrive,  
Isn’t much, just my life.  
Regardless down you dive,  
Ensure it’s me who‘ll survive,  
You dragged me up almost too late,  
Never believed in things like fate.  
My second birthday, that date,  
Realize I never really celebrate.  
  
The streets are getting colder,  
Still I feel your hand on my shoulder  
Like I kept it in me, your ardent ember.  
Not only your mark my soul will remember.  
My next life began in the middle of September  
And ended with you at the fifth of November.  
Yeah, they were hard and rough,  
But twelve years are not enough.  
  
Desperately I held myself up strong,  
Pretending it’s not you to whom I belong.  
I was blind and wrong. You had me all along.  
How could you see my soul shine bright,  
When there’s so much it has to hide?  
I never had to be tough by your side,  
So I let myself be weak.  
Your eyes I’ll always seek.  
  
Let me drown in your ocean tide,  
Let me burn in your graceful light,  
Let me fall in your highest flight,  
And tell me everything’s alright,  
Say in the end you’ll be by my side,  
Look at me just one last time,  
And let us pretend all will be fine.  
Don’t you know, you‘re my sunshine?  
Don’t leave me in the dark, be mine.  
  
I didn’t know you could feel this way.  
What would I give for one more day,  
There’s so much I have to say  
You never knew, I hide to deep.  
I’m sorry, I was too weak.  
Still your eyes I always seek.  
Hope when I close mine it’s you I‘ll see  
And the day will come we both be free.  
  
I didn’t catch you falling constantly.  
You gave up everything for me,  
Your faith, your home, your loyalty,  
Your brothers and sisters, your family,  
Your principles, your dignity,  
The war and an entire army,  
While I just sharpened my knife.  
You sacrificed your life.  
  
I wish I said it back,  
Revealed all cards of my deck.  
I need you, but words lack.  
In front of my eyes you faded away.  
Never wanted you that price to pay.  
I hope you can forgive me one day.  
My body in the ground they‘ll lay,  
With you in Heaven I will stay.  
  
I will drown in your ocean tide,  
I will burn in your graceful light,  
I will turn in your endless flight,  
I will hurl in your stormy might,  
In the end I will be by your side.  
Till then look down on me in time,  
And I will pretend I am almost fine.  
Faithful I will never stop to pray,  
Till I come home to you someday.  
  
  
_\- Dean_

  
  
  


* * *

This was an answer to the poem "[I met you in hell.](https://www.fanfiktion.de/s/5fc6a7550008d51e25f6d522/1/I-met-you-in-hell-)" by lari-fari.  
  
Music:  
[Plead The Fifth (Hallelujah)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OlDcdu3DxYs) \- Destiel fansong  
Medicine - JC Stewart  
Somebody to Die For - Hurts  
Take Me to Church - Hozier


	2. In your light

**In your light**  
  
  
Watch me, I’m falling  
Not like you, I‘m crawling  
When it comes true, the biggest of fears  
I’ve got nothing more to spent, no tears  
In front of the wold‘s eyes, let me hide  
Don’t waste on me your light  
Lost things can’t be found  
There’s nothing to be bound  
  
Once you said, you and me, it’s profound  
Since then, me it’s never stopped to haunt  
Only seen your vessel, you’re my friend  
You’re my brother till the end  
How long can I hold this masquerade  
Will I stay blind till it‘s too late  
  
Catch me, I’m falling  
My demons are crawling  
I damn my childish fears  
Too weak, can’t show my tears  
There’s too much I have to hide  
Through my walls, can’t see your light  
I’m lost, don’t let me be found  
For still I deny our bound  
  
Put your hand on my deepest wound  
And listen to my weeping sound  
Let me feel the aching pain  
And renew your initial claim  
Don’t let go again, make me whole  
And take as a burdening gift my soul  
  
To you I’m falling  
At last I stop crawling  
Gone are all those fears  
Down my face, are these tears  
There’s nothing I have to hide  
All is vanished in your light  
Now I’m lost and found  
I give in to our bound

  
  
  


* * *

_ "Dean and I do share a more profound bond." Castiel zu Sam und Dean 6.03  
"When a claim is made on a living soul, it leaves a mark, a brand." Castiel zu Dean _


	3. To the tide

**To the tide**  
  
  
Still it’s you I’m calling  
Untill all is falling  
Can you hear me  
In the blue of the sea  
It’s still you I see  
  
Standing here, on my shoulder your brand  
Watching waves, with my feet in the sand  
The ocean always comes back to the land  
Like at the horizon the earth meets the sky  
Never letting go, never saying goodbye  
  
Let the gust  
Take my voice like dust  
Where the wind goes  
And your light shows  
It’s never ending dusk  
  
Forgive me, I was deaf to all your calling  
Forgive me, I couldn’t stop your falling  
The grains of sand ran through your glass  
Couldn’t catch them, they were way to fast  
A little longer for us, they didn’t want to last  
  
Grace holder  
You were a soldier  
So I didn’t have to be  
You set me free  
Now I’m lost  
  
I couldn’t hold the line you have crossed  
I didn’t know how much happiness would cost  
It slipped through our fingers like the sands  
If we tried to carry water with our hands  
In the rushing tide is where it always ends  
  
The abyss is calling  
Want to let go, just falling  
Into the blue  
Lost my anchor too  
I lost you  
  
  
To the tide


	4. Right here

**I sense you**  
When the sun warms my face  
It’s like a stroke of your grace  
Deep inside you left your trace  
Followed me on my endless chase  
Led me through my selfmade maze  
Were my base despite my disgrace  
With broken legs me you‘d raise  
No space for doubt in your gaze  
Encase, take me back to that place  
Your embrace after all these days  
It stays, prays, colours all my greys  
Nothing could ever erase our always  
  
 **I behold you**  
When the waves are flooding the shore  
It’s like my blood has found its core  
But I can’t find my way home anymore  
To you I’m calling till my lungs get sore  
Can’t close this since you opened that door  
We hit the final score payed with gore  
We tore, how could I ever ask for more  
As I explore who you have done this for  
Things I ignore are those I most deplore  
You just saw the boundaries I draw  
The armor I wore was harder than before  
I’ve never been a soldier if love is war  
  
 **I smell you**  
When I’m at our lake after the rain  
It’s like the past time never came  
Deny in vain, put on me the blame  
Couldn‘t let go of all that shame  
Since then, I’ve never been the same  
But how do you stop a moving train  
How do you catch a plane in a hurricane  
How do you contain the ardent flame  
I’ll bear the strain, I’ll take the pain  
Burn in me your indelible claim  
Confirm to my flesh your branded aim  
Nothing but scars remain, keep me sane  
  
 **I perceive you**  
When I’m ready the fatal blow to receive  
It’s like I got something to believe  
In the cold you make me breathe  
And behold what’s underneath  
Tear up my disguise with my teeth  
Let my armor fall like a dried out leaf  
What will it leave, grief or relief  
Take a part of me with you like a thief  
’Cause for me there will be no reprieve  
Who are we going to deceive  
Our paths interweave, don’t let them cleave  
You got a hold on me just too brief  
  
 **I taste you**  
When in short nights dreams lure me in  
It’s like a hint to what could have been  
Too much of what I should have seen  
Did you hear me scream, stuck in between  
Since then, I’ve never again felt clean  
On your mere presence I’m keen, it’s obscene  
On your sheer pureness I lean, can’t intervene  
It will ease the ache, it’s my morphine  
Could never wean the way you called me Dean  
In your tempting sheen I’m fragile like a figurine  
What those mean can no longer stay unseen  
Green fell into aquamarine, fire and gasoline  
  
 **I feel you**  
When the wind touches my skin  
It’s like our most forbidden sin  
The truth was lost hidden within  
Aching, we were more than kin  
Yang to my yin, you‘ve gone all in  
So ruin, I take on the final spin  
Against my walls you’ll always win  
Crumbling they were way too thin  
Breaking to sing the glass heart hymn  
I had never met someone to cling  
Like the angel with the broken wing  
Standing on the rim, let the fall begin  
  
 **I hear you**  
When the tides rush in, roughly crush the sand  
It’s like the sea always comes back to the land  
I listen to your breath, don’t know where it went  
Don’t let your fingers slip through my shaking hand  
In that second you descend, I didn’t comprehend  
Always missed the moment and what it has meant  
Too much time I spent refusing to feel your torment  
Pretend you was just a friend, in your words it’ll blend  
Instead of my consent, there is now heard a lament  
On impossible odds I leant seeking your inherent scent  
Torn I stand, we rend till there's nothing to mend  
Broken not bent, my prayers I’ll send till the end  
  
 **I see you**  
When at the horizon the earth meets the sky  
It’s like at the silver lining we never said goodbye  
I watched our ships passing by, don’t know why  
Never wanted to be that guy holding one on standby  
Neither willing to rely on what would've been you and I  
I wasn‘t ready to reply to what your glances imply  
I rather closed my eyes, unable yours on me to espy  
I rather stayed blind, unable the storm in you to descry  
Didn’t want to identify it’s singing you the last lullaby  
Pretend sunsets never die, but darkness doesn't lie  
Can’t deny, could never cry, but I give it one last try  
‘Cause now you fly for me to reach too high  
  
 **I need you**  
Always  
Not like a brother, but like air in my lung  
Like a tree’s roots need the rain and leaves the sun  
Like someone who seeks needs somewhere to run  
Like a secret needs anyplace to hide, a bird the flight  
Like a dreamer needs the night, a worrior the fight  
Like a sailor needs the stars, the light in the darkness  
Like a sinner needs forgiveness, grace nothing less  
Like a hopeless man needs a single consoling sound  
Like a lost one needs to be found, a falling the bound  
Like a shallow needs the profound, reach the ground  
But you could never be a healing wound  
  
 **I keep you**  
Here by my side, tight I hold you dear  
To my soul so near, finally seeing clear  
No more to fear like an in the ocean falling tear  
  


  
  


* * *

_ "So what, I'm Thelma and you're Louise and we're just gonna hold hands and sail off this cliff together?" Dean zu Castiel 5.03  
"When Castiel first laid a hand on you in hell he was lost!" Hester zu Dean 7.21  
"When a claim is made on a living soul, it leaves a mark, a brand." Cas zu Dean 6.03  
"Dean. Just look at it. Really look at it. See, I pulled away. Nothing you could have done would have saved me, because I didn't want to be saved. I just didn't know how to tell you. You can't save everyone, my friend... though, you try." Castiel 8.07  
"The last time someone looked at me like that, I got laid." Dean zu Castiel S5  
"See, the stench of that Impala's all over your overcoat, angel." Crowley zu Castiel S6 _


End file.
